It's not quite what I expected for myself. Two divorces, living with someone who has so much baggage it's starting to wear me down and a job that will go nowhere.
But it's not all bad, I have my health right? OK. My kids are relatively happy, I try to give them what their hearts desire. Sometimes I can't but they understand why. I have a roof over my head that I co-own with my partner and the bank. So that's good right? I can pay my bills, slowly but they get paid and sometimes I have a little left over so I can give a sigh of relief.
Yet...I'm not happy. It's not what I hoped for. It's not how I envisioned my life at this point in time. I'm 43 years old, far as I can figure I'm half way through this life. What do I have to show for it? What legacy will I leave my kids? Is it too late for me? I have so many questions and no clue as to the answers.
I deal with issues that really have nothing to do with me yet have been placed in my lap because the person who should be handling it refuses. I fight for just a little bit of peace and stability and it's yanked out from under me by unscrupulous individuals who for selfish reasons are hell bent on seeking revenge and I'm caught in the cross fire.
I've made my position clear but it falls on deaf ears. Avoidance is the best policy for some I guess...go around the obstacle, avoid confrontation unless of course that confrontation is with me, apparently an easier target. Story of my life, I've been manipulated and used by the best and worst of them and it's really starting to piss me off.
So where do I go from here? I don't know. Do I stay or run away yet again? Do I start over for the third time? Will it really be better? They say third time's a charm, so I'm hoping.
It's February 2019 I'm 51 now and I have to say, third time is DEFINITELY a cham!!! The situation is far behind me by almost six years now. My kids are young adults making their way through life with little assistance from me and I found true unconditional love with a wonderful man, one who loves me enough to have married me. So yes, for me it took three tries!
Oh how my life is a million times better now! No drama, money in the bank, a beautiful home, a fantastic job, the best husband on the planet and NO MORE STRESS!! OMG had I known when I wrote the above this is what my life would be like, I'd have said...dream on! I would have thought I'd have a better chance at winning the lottery...well, I kinda did, the love and stability lottery!
So for anyone thinking things will never get better, trust me, have faith that they will and you'll see, it can happen for you too!
T.
Oh, and if at 43 I thought I was half done? Nope, I'm living past 100 if my life stays this awesome!
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